I feel pretty oh so pretty

Mon, 26 Jun 2006 04:45:50 GMT

New LJ Name - BuddyBoller

http://buddyboller.livejournal.com/

Zach's Shockwave on the Blogsphere

Thu, 16 Jun 2005 06:20:42 GMT

(orignially posted on my blog here)

I have recently been following a 16 year old gay guy from Bartlett, Tennessee named Zach's effect on the blogosphere...

He recently came out to his parents as homosexual , and their response to this fragile information is to send him to an ex-gay religious camp called "Love in Action". Now... this all would have probably boiled over and things would have gone on as normal in these ex-gay camps, only Zach had created something of a "fan base" or "support group" with Myspace's blogging. His blog can be found here. It begins (from the bottom) with a few cute Myspace blog serveys, his coming out, displays the rules of Love in Action, his agony as he prepares going to this ex-gay camp, and a final "thank you for your support, and here I go" type entry.

People read his writings and the strict rules that LIA ("love in action") enforced on his blog. Soon, other blogging individuals and groups caught wind of his struggle. The word seems to have spread like a wildfire. According to Intelliseek's Blogpulse, In the past two months the topic of LIA has nearly doubled in blogging discussion (from about an average of about 0.02% of all blog posts to 0.04% of all blog posts)... I dont know if the link will work, but the chart displaying this can be found here. This search included both "Love in Action" and LIA search strings, but searching only on the string "Love in Action" the jump is far more drastic, the surge begins around the date of June 5th (two days after his most recent blog), that chart can be found here (again... I dont know how long this link will last).

One such group is the QAC (Queer Action Coalition) who have graciously volunteered to organize protests in front of LIA. (recent news and archives can be found on their blog here)

Another individual is E.J., writer of the blog Cherry Blossom Special, whom has been writing very open minded blog entries on this topic... one in particular is looking at the parents of Zach as human, which is probably one of the better articles, because it gives a different perspective - yet keeps a very positive and constructive viewpoint... that blog can be found here.

Wendi C. Thomas has also made a contribution to the knowledge of LIA, two of her articles can be found here(pdf) and here(pdf).

There has been rumors that Zach will leave LIA very soon... many will anxiously await not only the completion of his finding his sexual identity, but what impact his simpy writing in a myspace blog has had on the blogosphere, and what the blogosphere is now doing to help prevent forcing people of all ages to deny themselves their identity.

vacation!!! w00t

Fri, 10 Jun 2005 05:03:13 GMT

I'm currently at my Aunt Paula's house... Watching television with my grandmother while checking my e-mail, looking at mishaps, and finishing up w/ a blog entry.

Anywhoo - my father informs me Saturday that my grandmother wants me to visit her in Oceanside so I can hang out with my cousins.

Well... sunday comes along and I head over to my Aunt Joy's in Orange County... I get to see and hang out with my cousins: Mikey, Sara, Desiree, and Dejah. My Aunt Joy, Aunt Maggie, and Uncle Mike. Along with Aunt Joy's bf... I cant remember his name. And Desiree's Boyfriend, Gordon. We talk about psychology and personality types... all good times. Uncle Mike and Aunt Maggie drive me over to Oceanside. I get there... hang out with my grandparents that were there (start on endangered species puzzle). Then I go to sleep.

I wake up monday, expecting to go to the zoo w/ U. Mike, A. Maggie, Desiree, Gordon, Grandma, and Grandpa to the San Diego zoo... but because Desiree was running late and U. Mike was having back problemos we decided to have a "lazy day" Desiree and Gordon eventually came and we all talked... which was interesting. Later on we decide to get chinese... so we do... and Dejah and her boyfriend, Brian came to eat food with all of us. It was good times... (Brian was supper cute and cool... Dejah sure knows how to choose 'em). That nite, since parents dont like their children getting sexual while they're around... I shared a room with Gordan as Desiree slept in the other timeshare w/ her parents (U. Mike and A. Maggie). lol - to say the least Gordon was having Desiree withdrawls. I came out to Gordon as a "practically gay bisexual" and I also told him that there's not much I could do about his frustrations because he's Desiree's.

Tuesday comes around... and generally all that was was spending time with Millie and another nun at a retreat and also a quiet restaurant called the Bread Basket... I had a delicious chilii-in-a-bread-bowl. I leave with my grandparents as the two nuns bless me and put my voyage through life in their prayers... I gave an appreciateive laugh, nod of the head, and a hearty "thank you". We then went back to Oceanside and hung out at the pool and such... pretty relaxing. I cooked pasketti sauce for dinner the next time under the guise of U. Mike.

Wednesday we finnaly get to go to the San Diego zoo - w00t! I bring sunscreen along and announce that people put some on, because it WAS a beautiful day... and beautiful, sunshiney days = sunburns... Des and Gord put on their sunscreen, but I dont think U. Mike or A. Maggie heard my announcement. A. Maggie ended up with a horrible sunburn... and when I say horrible.. I mean - jeez - red red red red red red!!!! But we saw lots of animals.. I got a few cool souvineers for ppl. We left the zoo and went back to Oceanside to have the spagetti dinner (which the sauce was delicious if I do say so myself :-P)

Thursday... I wake up... get dressed... get packed... and head over to my Aunt Paula's. Where we figure out how we are goin to get me all the way back home to Moorpark.

So... the plan is. I go with grandma and grandpa to trainstation... they get me on a train to Moorpark... I get to the train station... walk/take bus home... and well... I'm home... for just over 2 weeks before I turn big 18. Who knows what will happen then... Time will tell... time will tell.

What a way to kick off the summer... yippie skippie

Graduation... Grad Nite!

Sat, 04 Jun 2005 00:49:06 GMT

Well... Yesterday was the day the class of '05 graduated from THS@MC. Well - I kinda did too, but as a future grad (I'm going to take college classes in the Fall). Which is all good and dandy, since they still let me go to Grad Nite.... w00t!

Here's the basic jifts, I hang with Marisa, Mel, Jamie, James, Cin, and Robert (I can never really remember Cindy's bf's name). So... first we hop on Splash Mountain! w00t! That was fun times. the pic is great... and I'm waiting for that pic to be posted somewhere :-P. Then, we wanted to go on Indiana Jones, but the line was uber long... so we went "fuck this"... and went over to fantasy land. I went on snow white, they went on the carosel... then we get lost... then I decide that I dont want to play hide and seek and found this cool bunch of Oxnard graduates to hang out with... we went to the teacups - fun times... they got dizzy - I didnt, lmao. Then we nabbed something to eat... then we went to startours and buzz lightyear. Then I decided to break off from them and go on my merry way. I went to the dancefloor and moved my body to the music - had fun, but although I was wearing a pink shirt... I dont think it's a good indicator of homosexuality nowadays... damn metros. so I end up going on Pirates twice and Haunted mansion twice... then I took the long hike back to the bus. Although I spent half the trip alone... I still had a blast.

So... now it's the summer. I (hope to) get a job, (hope to) get and drive a car, and (hope to) turn 18. Well, I am going to turn 18... but it's a big thing for me... kinda wierd and surreal that guys will no longer run away from me because I'd be "jailbait". Well... anyways, I'm free for whatever peoples, untill I get a job... If you want to hang out - feel free to hit me up!

I'm a charmer... who would've guessed

Sat, 21 May 2005 19:26:47 GMT

I am the Charmer

Charm is seduction without sex. Charmers are consummate manipulators, masking their cleverness by creating a mood of pleasure and comfort. Their method is simple; they deflect attention from themselves and focus it on their target. They understand your spirit, feel your pain, adapt to your moods. In the presence of a Charmer you feel better about yourself. Learn to cast the Charmer's spell by aiming at people's primary weaknesses: vanity and self-esteem.

Symbol: The Mirror. Your spirit holds a mirror up to others. When they see you they see themselves: their values, their tastes, even their flaws. Their lifelong love affair with their own image is comfortable and hypnotic; so feed it. No one ever sees what is behind the mirror.

What Type of Seducer are You?
created by polite_society </p>

I Am A TN Human Cleric

Fri, 20 May 2005 21:27:08 GMT

I Am A: Neutral Good Human Ranger Bard

Alignment:
Neutral Good characters believe in the power of good above all else. They will work to make the world a better place, and will do whatever is necessary to bring that about, whether it goes for or against whatever is considered 'normal'.

Race:
Humans are the 'average' race. They have the shortest life spans, and because of this, they tend to avoid the racial prejudices that other races are known for. They are also very curious and tend to live 'for the moment'.

Primary Class:
Rangers are the defenders of nature and the elements. They are in tune with the Earth, and work to keep it safe and healthy.

Secondary Class:
Bards are the entertainers. They sing, dance, and play instruments to make other people happy, and, frequently, make money. They also tend to dabble in magic a bit.

Deity:
Mielikki is the Neutral Good goddess of the forest and autumn. She is also known as the Lady of the Forest, and is the Patron of Rangers. Her followers are devoted to nature, and believe in the positive and outreaching elements of it. They use light armor, and a variety of weapons suitable for hunting, which they are quite skilled at. Mielikki's symbol is a unicorn head.

Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy ofNeppyMan (e-mail)

haha... and I answered the questions honestly, so there :-P

Tue, 03 May 2005 21:11:31 GMT

I'm a Hunky Faggot! Oh hello. I am completely gorgeous. You may touch me for a nominal fee, although I’d prefer that you were at least as hot as I am. I was genetically engineered for pleasure. Mine.

What kind of Faggot are you?
Brought to you by Pushing Through</a>

There is Me

Mon, 04 Apr 2005 06:46:30 GMT

4-3-2005 23:30
"There is me"

There's me...
With the coy little smile
Waiting for the wind to breathe me away
There's me...
Having the time of my life
Waiting for a wall to smack me down

*chorus*
Life is crazy
I'm living it
I'm dreaming what it could be
I love it - yea
I hate it - yea
It's just plain living it all it can be
***

And then there's me
Sitting in my room
Watching for my life to pass me by
There's me...
Looking at the sky
Watching daunting clouds of kissing people

*Chorus*

And then there's me
Looking in the mirror
Seeing the beauty that I could never see
There's me
Smiling at myself
Knowing the next day will smile at me

There's fucking me
With my hopes turned up
There's me
Waiting to let myself down
Again

*Chorus*

there's me
yea... there's me
oh... me

Crazyness

Tue, 22 Mar 2005 04:57:16 GMT

The inner torture

Sun, 20 Mar 2005 09:38:45 GMT

    Well... I live in Moorpark, and just over the hill... a
mere 40 minutes away... is the lively land of West Hollywood - the place where I
belong. Only problem is... for me - being without a car, I'm stuck on the
outside looking in as I look to the horizon where the truly happiest place on
earth is for me. At least... the place where there is a heavy
concentration of guys that would possibly date me, love me, and then we can live
in a log cabin somewhere in the wilderness

    For me, everything is just out of my reach.

    A boyfriend is just out of my reach

    My friends are just out of my reach

    My dreams are just out of my reach

    I am stuck, listening to music on this fucking computer -
waiting for my 18th birthday, which is my problem... I don't know what I'm
doing. I know the last thing I want to do is stay here... in Moorpark.
The thing I want to do is move to WeHo... but the city is supposedly "expensive"
and I would probably end up living on the streets. Instead of "damsel in
distress"... I'd be a "bum in distress"... well - I'm still a computer bum, but
that's besides the point.

    I'm alone... left to walk my own mind alone - figuring out
how to deal with my deepest, darkest secrets. Left to smile in the mirror,
reflecting on my life as nothing but a smudge on the mirror. It deeply
saddens me that I am out, and someone proud. I'm fucking out there for
anyone to come and save... but I guess that has to wait until I'm not fucking
bait. I wish I lived in Australia, in fact I want to move there one day.
I've been told that Aussis love Americans for some strange reason, as jerky and
assholy as our representative makes us seem. I just want to get as far
away from Suburbia as possible. It's an allusion of nothing, just a place
for parents to think that their children will be safe from the dangers of the
world - to save them from the pain of the world. But - in doing so they
create a new pain, a deeper pain, a darker pain. Instead of getting shot
in the heart by a gang member and having our misery and pain be short - the
world, we get left with ourselves... the mirror... the pressure to constantly be
looking at yourself to make yourself a better person. And when this cannot
be done, it gets frustrating. You almost feel like giving up, but you cant
- you need to go on. But no one can know, especially your parents - so
then comes the lying... the saying that your grades are fine (which are below
where they want them)... the saying that your friends are cool (which are
imaginary). And when the exposure comes - they reprimand you in the
strangest way possible... by taking away their conditional open love. So -
in the end... trust is lost... and all you want to do is get out... that's all
that's left to do - escape. But with your parents legally having to watch
over you and have control over you... all that left to do is walk in the desert
without water for four months to the Nile - to jump in and go wherever the
current brings you.

A Heart "WHAT"?!

Sun, 06 Mar 2005 06:37:27 GMT

    Well - I went to the Doctor yesterday. It was really supposed to be for my brother (he's got some kinda bacterial thought infection goin on). But the nice people let me ask about these weird heart strange-feelings. So... I get asked lots and lots and lots of questions... lots of em. You know... when do they happen? "Randomly"... How often do they happen "once or twice every couplea days." so then they give me the EKG (I think that's what it's called) - whatever, it's just that thing they put things on you and they measure ur heartbeat stuff via electricity. The Dr. didn't see anything wrong... but kept examining my torso area, trying to figure out exactly what wasn't quite right. Eventually he found this one spot where he said there might be a small murmur - and I'm like in my head "a what?" and then I actually say "oh?" He then said that he needed to have some bloodwork done... and I'm like great... I HATE GETTING MY FUCKING BLOOD DRAWN FROM ME... it get's me dizzy and nauseated. So - that pretty much took up a good 45 minutes.
    Then last night I had a very strong pang at my heart while I was trying to rest into slumber. I was like thinking "WTF!?!?!?" I just layed on my side and bunched up some extra bedsheets, wrapped my arms around it... and eventually got to sleep.
    I just hope nothing is seriously wrong... who knows - this might be stress related, because I'm all alone :'(</p>

I'm fucking pathetic! ARGHGHGHGHHGHGH

Thu, 03 Mar 2005 08:17:06 GMT

    Just a normal rant...
    Today - I've kinda encouraged and/or helped gay relationships... it feels good - but all I want to do is cry. It's like I'm fucking Mr. Relationship without having my own relationship... I hate it... I really do - sometimes I really just want to cry and tell someone how much it sucks... but - then it really wouldn't suck so much... I would cry on my pillow if I just could get myself to do it... but I find it very hard to cry - I guess I'm like that girl from the Secret Garden... and I need something and someone to cry over.
    Like I said... just an average rant by a lonely guy who needs someone in the worst way possible.

A Box Clearly Marked is all that I want

Tue, 15 Feb 2005 07:14:59 GMT

My name is Will... and I guess I have to say this...

so I will...

there's not much to my name - I just answer to a word made of one syllable of
four letters

W

I

L

L

...and perhaps this is why I always seem to want to be, because I always "Will"

Right now - being single... it's a race to the finish for anyone who wants me.
I'm here for the taking.... a damsel in distress par-say... but I think it's
more than that. It's that I don't know what I want, and that there are so
many fish in the sea - only an estimated "10%" of the guys... yes - guys I ever
meet are actually potential mates. It's a stupid % that I don't
even think is even accurate that one of every 10 guys are gay. But what
makes it even more difficult for me, is that I believe myself to have worse "GayDar™"
than most senile senior citizens. So... I constantly am looking at guys I
just happen to think are attractive and ask myself

"Is he gay?"

"If he is, does he like me?"

"How should I approach him?"

"What should I say?"

"How should I say it?"

"How will he respond?"

"What will he do if he knows I'm gay?"

"Is he a homophobe?"

and essentially I have shy-girl syndrome where I'm staring at this guy all
the time, asking the same stupid questions... and constantly have this
overbearing crush on my hands... but it's not just with one guy, but with all
guys... I see a "fish" I like... and the same questions come to my mind... with
no definite answers. So... it sounds sick, but I never think I'll approach
a guy with intent on intimacy unless its on an online profile where that
"Sexuality" box is clearly marked - "Gay". Otherwise I'm here, whoever you
are - love of my life - whatever I may end up calling you...

But please... call me - because I'll prolly still think you're a raging
homophobe and not want to approach you

UD Agent

Sun, 06 Feb 2005 00:54:34 GMT

I think this program is nifty... all it is is a background process that you ASK FOR (it's sorta like spyware, only you allow this in) you know why? because it's for cancer research!!! as of now I hardly realize anything going on... and I've been playin World of Warcraft (High CPU high Bandwith game)... and - I forgot it was even running... so I give kudos to this program... and I'll pass it on and tell everyone in Ventura county to join the Ventura team (linked below)

Links:
D/L- http://www.grid.org/download/gold/download.htm
Team- http://www.grid.org/services/teams/team.htm?id=B5EDF106-6659-4AD3-B185-3F89D1C6B75B

Nothin Else

Wed, 26 Jan 2005 03:32:30 GMT

    Well... today was alright... I guess - but not really
    It started average... woke up at 10:30AM... got on bus at 11:15AM... got to school at noon... got the whole spheal about junior achievement which should be fun, I mean - I've done it before and had a blast! But this time I'm doing it alone and I have to arrange it myself... la de da... home...
    I log in to the compy - chat with a guy that I think is a pretty darn good match for me. We planned on going on a walk along the beach Saturday. He then told me he had been in a gnarly car accident - I instantly asked if he was alright (reflex). He said he broke his arm and couldn't make our date. I then inquired about what exactly went down... and asked if he wanted to talk about it over the phone. He than said he wished he could, but he got grounded. and I was like wtf? and asked exactly why he was grounded. Apparently his parents think it was 100% his fault (when in the police report it did say it was his fault, but that it was unavoidable under the circumstances). so... here I am with yet another 100% empty weekend coming up where I actually had something that I was going to do... and something good too - my first real date and it was going to be more awesome than heck.
    Anyways - I'm frustrated. Not at him, not at his parents, not at myself.... but I am frustrated because I think I'm never going to get in a real relationship... and the best thing I can get is a hook up. Well... I am frustrated at something - that something is suburbia... aka Moorpark... aka Kraproom... aka hell-on-earth. Well... it's not like we're in the mist of a war or anything... but we fucking are stuck with nothing to do but sit on our asses in front of a computer screen. Moorpark has only one place of teenage entertainment: Maveriks movie theatre... I'd go there, only it's not a place to meet new people. Because that's what Moorpark desperately needs - a safe, cool place for teens to go where they can express themselves with poetry, song, parlor games. Something other than drugs and alchy to breeze the time by (I don't do the stuff, but I have good friends who do and know why they do it) (sometimes I wish I didn't have the values that have kept me from that shit). Sure... we have a rec center... but a lot of teens 15+ don't give a fuck what goes on there... like I said - somewhere cool where people 10-25 can go to feel safe and meet other people here in suburbia... somewhere to talk... play card games... drink smoothies... watch American idol...
    I guess what I'm saying is that Moorpark needs a teenage version of chewys - it needs a cool name... nothing corny... nothing geeky... I got it! It would be called "nothin else" - well... ok - that's a bit corny - but the sick thing is it will be fucking true.

11 Jan. 2005 10:20PM

Wed, 12 Jan 2005 06:22:35 GMT

by William Boller

Austin Venable,
Where did you go?
One day you were here
Entertaining the masses.
I miss you,
You king of a color.
You need to come back
Not for me...
But for me to know where you are.
Oh, I dream of the day
You come back into my life
I wish
Oh, I wish...
You were to appear in front of me.
So I can tell you
What I've always wanted to tell you.
I love you Austin.
I love you Austin Venable.
Now come and rescue me from suburbia,
And take me with you everywhere you go.

Duh

Fri, 07 Jan 2005 04:11:46 GMT

    Well... I woke up today - and again I went "ahhh fuck, it's school today... I have to fucking get on the bus to go to Moorpark College at 11in the evening... so it wasn't that bad... I love my new school situation!
    Anyways... I get to school - we read some of the Canterbury Tales and how the church people are all corrupt and stuff... then Mr. TAG had a very interesting conversation about eyeballs falling out and being able to look at yourself... it was freakin funny!
    And then after that I got checked out to go talk to my psychologist. We talked about Rocky Horror Picture Show and how my parents can not allow me to go into a situation that they know is dangerous. It was quite a conversation... oh - and I came to the conclusion that all worldly questions can be answered with one word: "duh"... I mean - it's a wonderfully versatile word.

Is there a god? - - - "Duuuhhh!"
What's the meaning of life" - - - "Duuuhhh"
How many changes of underwear do I need for my vacation - - - "Duuhhh"

I'm sure you can figure out your own examples... it's very simple - it's like a new world religion... duuuhhh.

30 Dec. 2004, 11:50PM

Fri, 31 Dec 2004 19:00:22 GMT

by William Boller

I’ve always cried alone.
No one but me
To dry my tears.
My heart only to be harnessed
By the one who has it…
Me.
I have no recourse…
For I know crying is wasteful.
In my soul there is and everbuilding pain,
And I wish I could shed my tears.
But no matter hwo hard I try:
I can not fall myself to cry.
For I seem to like to stay strong for myself -
So I do not cry at all
Instead of letting my body waste away…
In a river of tears,
I write.
I pour my emotions:
Onto a dry, white piece of paper.
Oh, how endlessly progressive my body now builds.
Yet I wish to destroy some strength,
And cry…
Cry my loneliness away.

A New Year Comith

Fri, 31 Dec 2004 03:54:59 GMT

It's that time of year again... new year's... it's new year's eve... tomorrow.

    It's kind of crazy... because last year I was crazy to say the least. All that comes to mind with me and my parents is me listening to Howie Day (an artist to this day I still adore) over and over again. Listening to it like it was kind of audible bible. Today, I look at the music as very wise... but nothing more. Around this time - I was frustrated, trying to tell my parents what I was thinking and feeling about life... and all they could do was stand there over me, and to me I felt that they just were purposefully not trying to understand me. When, I was actually pretty crazy then... very... manicy. I was creating my own imaginary utopia, that I thought may one day be a reality... In fact, I still think that what I was thinking was possibly possible. I wanted to gain control over a totally tech-ed out united states internet cooperation, that had every service possible... from free e-mail, auction, products, search... the list went on and on. Most of all, my thoughts raced to me, like an oncoming stampede of ideas for the world to pick from... I was trying desperately to sift through all of this - and create something of reality.
    Yet... all my life I had been able to harness the untamable on my own - without help. Yet - I was at a very, dark place - a very unknown territory of my own being... and help "came to the rescue" in the form of my parents... yes - my parents. I felt betrayed by them at the time... but I guess I somewhat see they saw extreme trouble within me... which was true. But I was swimming in a world of my own - and I was beginning to master it.
    So... I was dragged by my father - New Years Eve - to the emergency room. And instead of enjoying myself in a party that I was supposed to be throwing. I was sitting in a rather uncomfortable chair with absolutely nothing to do. I think that itself drove me absolutely insane. Eventually after what seemed like three days (but still... was like 14 hours). I was sent to a cell, where I was asked to pee in a cup and have someone take blood out of my arm... I remember the guy taking the blood saying that my blood was a "very healthy color" I remember feeling paranoid... Did this mean that I kept my blood in good condition? or was it something he said to every person who had a needle-phobia? After about a half hour two women come in and look me over and talk to me very comfortingly... I remember them asking me: Do you paint your toenails? I said no... because I didn't... but it happened that my toes were stone cold and that made my toenails shimmer a beautiful blue. After they were done talking with me, they went to go talk about what should be done with me... they come back. Tell me that I'm going to this "nice place with my own room and separate cafeteria" so - I sit on a stretcher thingy and they put me in an ambulance. When we were driving to Vista Del Mar (the place where I was being sent to... duh) I talked with this cute guy about life and we talked about school and life... and I remember him telling me his roommate was a guy that went to my school - I forgot who.
    Eventually - I get to Vista Del Mar and they take me out of the car on the stretcher, and I am carted into the main room... I remember a girl looking at me inquisitively while I was being rolled along to the main office... where I was practically stripped, search... and given my cloths back without any strings or belts or things... and I was asked questions... I remember: What is your sexuality? I said bisexual. This was actually the first person that I had really come out to immediately. She wrote it down and then a nurse came in and gave us two plastic wine glasses with apple cider... and then three... two... one... It was a new year... in Vista Del Mar mental hospital... joy... what a way to bring in 2004...

But now it's practically 2005... yes... 2005... the year of my high school graduation... the year of my 18th birthday... the year I am freed from my chains and able to unleash myself into the world... yet - I still have 6 months until that happens... so I still have to figure out a resolution...

Christmas and WoW

Mon, 27 Dec 2004 16:31:44 GMT

*sigh... christmas... there was christmas this last Saturday... so here's the highlights of what I got

1) Megaman collection for Gamecube
2) Spaceballs DVD
3) Cory Landis - "Freast of Scraps" music album
4) 40$ Barnes and Noble gift card
5) 2 DDR dance pads for PS2
6) Casual Hawaiian shirt
7) Funny T-Shirts
8) Slacks

Lately I havent been online (as in chat) because of a wonderful game called "World of Warcraft." If you have the game - isnt it great? If you dont have the game - Get it. It's a MMORPG made by blizzard. It's generally an online rpg where you do more than kill things and complete quests (you have trade skills). Currently the damned thing is $50 to start and $15 a month to play... in my opinion, it's well worth it!
I also made a yahoo group for all my friends... well - in the area of Moorpark... http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/HOKRCA/ if you have the game, join it and put your characters in the database

Making sims... w00t!

Thu, 23 Dec 2004 08:49:35 GMT

HOWIE DAY SIM for the SIMS 2 http://thesims2.ea.com/exchange/sim_detail.php?asset_id=137973</i>

Emancipation

Fri, 17 Dec 2004 07:47:20 GMT

I can not help but cause drama around family members. There is something that always seems to "happen." I tell them that I want to go somewhere for a day or two... and they tell me that if I do they will call the police.
Quite plainly all the drama that is caused centers around my parent's rights over me as a minor. And I want to end this parental authority ASAP... July 3rd 2005 is not soon enough... I think I will have gone 100% crazy before then.
I have come to the conclusion that I will petition for emancipation... and to do so will require a plan... to become emancipated... I must: be over the age of 14 (check), have a stable source of income (to do), have a place of residence away from my parents (to do), and have a judge in a court of law say it is best for me (to do).

1) Being 14: I am 17... so that's that
2) Source of income:
tomorrow I am going for a walk around the town of Moorpark and apply to each and every place of business for a job... I will probably use the bus.

3) Place of residence: this will be tougher... it is hard to get a place of residence away from home A, because Ventura county
housing is expensive, and B, because I need parental permission to live where I want to... which is sort of a paradox, because how do I remove parental authority via emancipation if I need parental permission to live somewhere which is required to become emancipated. What is probably needed is written proof that I can live on my own.

4) Court of Law: I fill out forms once I fit requirements and write an essay for why I want to be emancipated.

"I'm such a Doormat, and I love myself for it"

Thu, 16 Dec 2004 08:44:53 GMT

   I guess you could call me your local idealist... I look at the world as positively as I can. I see everyone as basically "good" and what not. I act towards people with an pretty much unconditional positive regard. I look at perhaps the most unflattering aspects of a person... tell them that they are that - and then tell them I love them for it. I say "You're such a dork... I love ya" or "You're such an asshole... I love ya!"
   I have a conception that perhaps one day I fill find that "special guy" that will fill a void in my heart that has been empty, and has become a growing cavity in my life. It furthers my ongoing sadness that days go by, and still... I think of him.
   I am sorta an idealist, but I don't look at my own self with such high appraisal. It's really sad how I pick and pick at who I am as "bad" and concentrate on the negative aspects of my being. I begun to hate my view of the world, because it causes me to be a doormat just waiting to be walked all over. It brought me to a very dark place. Lately, however - I have not been such an "emo" with great ideals. I have begun to show myself respect - which may lead to a greater, better time in my life. I guess I'm trying to say to myself "I'm such a doormat, and I love myself for it" - yet... it's not quite comming out that way yet.

Cute Singer, A Dance, and MJ

Wed, 15 Dec 2004 05:02:18 GMT

Alright... this Tyler Hilton guy is FIIIINE.... and cute... very cute. *drool* he's a tad less in chillnes as Howie Day. As cute as Ryan Cabera. And cooler and John Mayer. I like him

          Friday Dec. 10, 2004:
I was searchin for a ride to the winter dance party thingy. I couldn't find someone to get a ride from, so I ended up having my mom drive me over.
So I get to the dance... and I'm having fun hangin around Mel watching her take random pictures (a couple of me... that I WANT... MEL!!). There was dancing, there was cult dancing, and there was even more cult dancing... all around good time. A while into the shing-dig MJ decides to pretty much force Mel to drive away (after I had gotten Mel to agree to take me home) without me... so generally Mel tells me to meet her in front of the danceing place.
A while into the dance Potts tells me that Mel got into some car problems and couldn't come and get me... so I was stuck spending the rest of the dance looking for a new ride... it wasnt until after we had finished cleaning up the dance (I pitched in b/c I wasn't going anywhere). And then Amb said she could give me a ride... and so she did - we took a detour to Dennys... and we had food with some of the other peps... then we all went hom... good times

          Saturday Dec. 11, 2004:
Woke up... geetar practice... home... chillness, sleep

          Sunday Dec. 12, 2004:
Woke up, chillness, sleep

          Monday Dec 13, 2004:
Woke up, school:
Projects were due today... and Luke's project was a penut butter stuffed condom stuffed in two more condoms... it was hillarious. Tagger got kinda pissed some stuff about "sexual harrasment" and not wanting to idenfify anyone who was bothered because they'd be "ostrasized"... all and all a good time...
...Home, chillnesss

          Tuesday Dec 14, 2004:
Woke up, school:
We were heading up to the OAL (Jamie, Mel, MJ, and I) and Mel was going to drive. MJ didnt want me along for the ride... so she pretty much told me to fuck off... almost quite litterally... but then Mel told MJ off and put MJ in her place - Me = proud of Mel. I still hope that MJ and I could put aside our differences and just be friendly toward each other... instead of me being nice to her while she treats me like shit. I actually dont know how much more of this bullshit I have to take... I think I might just talk to Simps and Tagger about it... I donno :-\
...home... chillness

I'll Kill You All... Mwahahahahaha

Tue, 14 Dec 2004 23:28:50 GMT

If i was a serial killer i would be Ted Bundy.

In the early to mid 1970s Ted Bundy would murder over 30 young women. Most were attacked while walking in parks, found later to have been raped and strangled to death, but sometimes Bundy would go as far as breaking into their houses as they slept and beating them to death with a crow bar.

After being caught and convicted of the murders, Bundy accepted prison, acquired a new name and started his killing spree all over again. Soon after, Bundy was caught, but not before taking the lives of 3 more women.

Almost all of Bundy's victims were young white girls with long dark hair parted down the middle, all were raped, beaten and sodomized.

kill count: 30+

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