Current mood:	optimistic
Current music:	Butch Walker - "Take Tommarow (One Day at a Time)

"I'm such a Doormat, and I love myself for it"
   I guess you could call me your local idealist... I look at the world as positively as I can.  I see everyone as basically "good" and what not.  I act towards people with an pretty much unconditional positive regard.  I look at perhaps the most unflattering aspects of a person... tell them that they are that - and then tell them I love them for it.  I say "You're such a dork... I love ya" or "You're such an asshole... I love ya!"
   I have a conception that perhaps one day I fill find that "special guy" that will fill a void in my heart that has been empty, and has become a growing cavity in my life.  It furthers my ongoing sadness that days go by, and still... I think of him.
   I am sorta an idealist, but I don't look at my own self with such high appraisal.  It's really sad how I pick and pick at who I am as "bad" and concentrate on the negative aspects of my being.  I begun to hate my view of the world, because it causes me to be a doormat just waiting to be walked all over.  It brought me to a very dark place.  Lately, however - I have not been such an "emo" with great ideals.  I have begun to show myself respect - which may lead to a greater, better time in my life.  I guess I'm trying to say to myself "I'm such a doormat, and I love myself for it" - yet... it's not quite comming out that way yet.